Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
