Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
