When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
