I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
