I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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