are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
this hospital has no fireball
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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