Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
