nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
where am i from again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.