Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.