do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dating After Heartbreak
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.