batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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