dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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