How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im having a threesome with these popsicles
please come you make the beer taste better
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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