When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
