My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
