Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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