Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
