I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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