Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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