hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
