he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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