i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
