ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
