you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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