I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
