I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
