I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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