We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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