I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
