i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
