I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
