Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
