Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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