my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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