chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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