5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
