every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize