You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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