I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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