People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
