There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
