New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
