do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
