idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
