some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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