Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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