Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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