I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
