just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
