so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
