He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
