My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
