Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
