how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
