he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
