I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Enjoy the penises
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
