I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
