The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
