Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
