I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
